The Critic

Patent Leather Shoes

The Critic

Lucy stands at the bottom of the stairs, admiring her reflection in the front hall mirror. Her blue and white dress is crisp and clean. Her hair is neatly brushed and held in place with a ribbon that matches her dress. Her black patent shoes gleam as though they’ve never been worn. She is the very picture of a young lady, according to her parents. Lucy’s not sure that’s true, but she never argues.

Ever since that incident in daycare, Lucy has been very careful to follow the rules and keep her thoughts to herself. She always colours inside the lines and never misses a beat. Akin to her shoes, Lucy gleams like a porcelain doll, new in its box.

It’s possible she could have gone on that way forever. Then again, it may simply have been a matter of time.

Either way, the day that Billy Stevens took it upon himself to comment on her artwork changed everything. He’d looked at her perfect picture of her perfect house with its perfect fence and he’d snorted.

“God Lucy,” he’d said with a mean-spirited laugh endemic to twelve-year-old boys, “your work is so pedantic.”

Billy had clearly been impressed with himself for using such a big word, even if he had just learned it in English class. He’d chortled to himself and looked for someone else to pick on.

Lucy had said nothing, but ever since that day she’d been possessed with a burning desire to prove Billy Stevens wrong. She wanted to show him just how creative she could be.

Now, Lucy turns and makes her way up the stairs with a bounce in her step. Carefully, she steps over the bodies of Billy’s parents. She doesn’t want to get any blood on her gleaming shoes. Smiling, she throws open the door to Billy’s bedroom where he is tied up, waiting for her. Today he will be her canvas. And he will finally see just how talented Lucy really is.


This is my submission for this week’s Trifecta writing challenge. The word this week is  pedantic and the third definition is as follows:

3: unimaginative, pedestrian

Here are the rules:

  • Your response must be between 33 and 333 words.
  • You must use the 3rd definition of the given word in your post.
  • The word itself needs to be included in your response.
  • You may not use a variation of the word; it needs to be exactly as stated above.
  • Only one entry per writer.
  • Trifecta is open to everyone.  Please join us.

This week Trifecta is community-judged, so if you like what you read come on back and vote! And be sure to check out some of the other talented writers in the community.


Image credit: © Google Images

34 thoughts on “The Critic

    1. They sure can! When did parents stop teaching kids that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all? Thanks for commenting Tom! 🙂

  1. Excellent, Suzanne! Lucy is like any temperamental artist…on steroids! I feel for Lucy! The word pedantic would cut me like a knife too-and I’d most certainly hate to get blood on my shoes;) Brilliant take on the prompt!

  2. Yikes, a psychopath comes into her own. She doesn’t want to get blood on her shoes… great line. Nice ick factor, Suzanne. Makes me shiver.

  3. Oh! That was a surprise. You caught me off guard, you clever soul. It’s always the quiet ones and the “too perfect” ones that end up being trouble. You’ve got a smooth writing style that I like a lot. A very enjoyable read.

    1. A sledgehammer would be pretty cool, but it might get blood on her dress, so I imagine Lucy had a cleaner method for dealing with Mom & Dad. 😉

  4. wow….did you sneak into our house and catch our girls in middle of one of their spats? I love the real life cruelty and the way Lucy takes over. great piece. Just once I’d like for you to write something that sucks…I don’t think you’re capable of that.

  5. Holy….um, I don’t want you to ever write something that sucks because your shorts are fantastic. I honestly thought maybe she was going to be like Carrie and accidentally whang things through the air with her mind, I definitely did not see her turning her shiny shoes to murder. Excellent job, I loved this one.

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