slang

Today, dear readers, I’d like to talk about two language-related terms that I often hear people use incorrectly. It’s another one of those language/grammar things that is not taught in school—or not taught well, so students never actually end up with an understanding of the terminology.

Diction

Diction refers to the words we choose to use. For most people, this can vary depending on the context and the audience. For example:

To your friend: There’s a freaking zombie behind you!
To a small child: There is a scary monster behind you!
To a teenager: Dude, zombie!
To your boss: Sir, there appears to be a zombie behind you!
To a paranormal research scientist: There is an undead Homo sapiens moving at a moderate pace behind you!
To your grandmother: Nanna, granddad is behind you!

Diction can be concrete (The spider was five feet wide and black with yellow spots.) or abstract (The ginormous spider was horrific to behold.).

In addition, diction is generally divided into the following three levels:

High or formal: tends to be fancy, avoids the use of slang, and prefers complex words.

Mr. Edwards slew the undead monstrosity with the sabre of his forefather.

Middle: uses correct language, but avoids overly complex words.

Mr. Edwards killed the zombie with his grandfather’s sword.

Low or informal: the language used in everyday conversation, tends to be relaxed, and includes slang and colloquialisms.

Dave totally smoked that zombie with an old sword.

Syntax

Syntax refers to the order in which we place words. This is an integral part of English grammar as syntax forms the basis for sentence structure.

We all learn language long before we learn about language. Syntax is the result of studying the way language develops, so it includes all the rules that govern the way we talk to each other. Without syntax, we would all be babbling idiots. And we would also be really confused all the time. Compare the following example:

Frankenstein’s monster crashed through the gates, knocking townspeople out of his way.
Monster through the townspeople, Frankenstein’s knocking gates out of his way crashed.

So now you know. Spread the word. And please use your syntax wisely.

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Image credit: Einar Bog / PhotoXpress.com

At the Rub-a-dub-dub

“Oi! Frank! Get yer arse over ’ere!”

Skinny Joe waved at Frank from the pub across the street. He looked around nervously, then nodded behind him.

It was always something with Skinny Joe, the pub owner, who was always into everyone else’s business. Frank sighed as he realized he dream of a tall Americano coffee would have to wait. He trotted across the street to see what Joe wanted.

“Tommy wants a rabbit with ya,” Joe said, “he’s in the ‘ammer and tack.”

Frank had only been in London for a couple of weeks, so some of the Cockney references went right over his head. But he was learning to look for the rhyme. Given the context, he deduced that Tommy was in the back of the pub waiting for him. With another sigh, he stepped into the poorly lit building and made his way to the back room. Skinny Joe followed him, twitching with excitement.

Tommy sat with his back to the wall. He was peeling an orange with his beefy fingers. It looked kind of like an apricot in his hands. Without looking up, he gestured for Frank to sit, which Frank did.

Tommy finished peeling the orange, carefully separating each piece and placing it on a plate in front of him. He offered the plate to Frank, who declined politely.

“Now lad, what’s this I ’ear about the bees and honey?” He popped an orange slice into his mouth and looked at Frank expectantly.

“Well I don’t know Tommy,” Frank shot Joe a look, “what did you hear about the money?”

“I ’eard there was a bit of a Barney. I’m ’oping I ’eard wrong.”

Barney? Frank wracked his brain, but came up empty. Jill had told him to look at that Cockney dictionary. She’d even emailed him the link. But Frank really hadn’t expected it to be so much like another language. The words were all English, but only half of them made any sense.

Tommy lifted an eyebrow, waiting. Frank decided to focus on the issue of the money.

“The money is fine,” said Frank. “There was some hassle about the exchange rate, but it’s been sorted out. The bank deposited it this morning.” Out of the corner of his eye, Frank saw Joe’s face fall. End of the excitement.

“Good,” Tommy grinned and polished off the orange. “Then I’m ’appy to give you my blessing.”

Frank relaxed. Well, until Tommy stood up and leaned across the table, staring him right in the eye.

“If you break my little teapot’s ’eart, I will break your legs. Alright lad?”

Frank nodded.

Tommy grinned again and gave Frank a solid pat on the shoulders, “Well, time to head back to the old lollipop. Those uncles ain’t going to sell themselves.”

Only when the pub door closed behind Tommy did Frank let his breath out. He loved Jill, but his father-in-law to be scared the crap out of him. It didn’t help that he looked and sounded like a gangster from a Guy Ritchie film, even though Jill swore up and down he was just a shopkeeper. As he left the pub, desperate for that Americano, Frank wondered if someday he would be able to have an actual conversation with Tommy, the way Jill did.

Maybe he’d go home and look up that dictionary after all.

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I wrote this story for the WordPress Weekly Writing Challenge, which was to showcase our slang.

I come by my Cockney roots from my father’s side of the family. I find the rhyming slang particularly fascinating and I have always loved listening to it. This little story is my ‘omage to my roots, so to speak.

Now, here’s a glossary of the Cockney terms I used and what they mean:

rub-a-dub-dub = pub
rabbit (and pork) = talk
hammer and tack = back
bees and honey = money
Barney (Rubble) = trouble
teapot (lid) = kid
lollipop = shop
uncle (Bert) = shirt

For more on the Cockney “language” check out these links:

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Image credit: Jerome Dancette / PhotoXpress.com